wdg3rd on June 11, 2012, 10:08:35 pm

Exactly. To quote Heinlein:
Quote
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy.

I prefer the short form "The more you love, the more you can love".

Lisa had more lovers than I did.  A given, she was prettier than I am.  I disapproved of exactly one of them, because he was a jerk who bragged of military experience he didn't really have.  She dropped him fairly quickly and not because of my disapproval, she knew real veterans (her father was Navy CB all through WWII, OSS [yes, a "spy" in Europe arranging for some folk to make court appearances at Nuremberg] after he was invalided out from only getting halfway across the beach at Iwo, USAF during Korea and spent a year and a half as a guest of the PRC at a resort in Manchuria, then a few years at Thule cooling down -- then he finally settled down and married his high school sweetheart then Lisa happened unexpectedly to their and later my joy).

Honest, I'm not suicidal.  That would piss her off.  I have support of many friends, hers, my few and mutual.  It's been two and a half weeks.  I'm drinking, but it's at maintenance level, not getting shitfaced like I did the first weekend (she died May 25, my birthday was May 26, I'd been sober a year and a half).

Sorry to bum folks out.  really sorry.  But "the more you love, the more you can love".  It's the way we lived.
Ward Griffiths        wdg3rd@aol.com

Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest.  --  Denis Diderot

myrkul999 on June 11, 2012, 10:55:51 pm
Sorry to bum folks out.  really sorry.  But "the more you love, the more you can love".  It's the way we lived.

Sounds like she was a great gal. You're a very lucky guy.

wdg3rd on June 11, 2012, 11:39:01 pm
Sorry to bum folks out.  really sorry.  But "the more you love, the more you can love".  It's the way we lived.

Sounds like she was a great gal. You're a very lucky guy.

Luckier than I deserved.  Her mother on her deathbed in '92 said I was the first boyfriend worth a shit and made me promise to take care of her.  Did the best I could (not as good as she deserved, she deserved big-ass rubies and emeralds and I've only seen those in museums).

Hope to do a little memorial up at Porcfest.  Hope to have Naomi with me (my first wife in an ancient polyandry, she's the widow of Mike Moslow, they introduced me to one of his "ex" lovers when I came to the east coast {they occasionally went at it like crazed weasels until not long before we lost Mike a couple years back} for support.  Would  dump a bottle of single malt into a campfire (she didn't drink much but that's what she liked best) but she'd hate the waste so I'll have whoever shows up filter it through their kidneys first.

I'll probably scatter her from one of the Kangamagus Highway overlooks.  Those were her favorite views.  It's probably illegal.  So what, let them arrest me.  No New Hampshire jury would convict me.
Ward Griffiths        wdg3rd@aol.com

Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest.  --  Denis Diderot

Andreas on June 11, 2012, 11:54:31 pm
Ach, sorry to hear it, and good that you're hanging in there.
All things end, savor the good, endure the bad - only way to beat life, innit?
An it harm none - your way is as good as mine.
I am happy with monogamy - some people enjoy infatuation, I don't.
I feel/need no confirmation of my desirability, nor of my ability to conquer.
It'd be a pointless distraction for me.
I realize that monogamy can be a shackles, but if it harms neither, it harms neither.
If it might feel like it harms the would-be third wheels, I say tough cookies.

myrkul999 on June 12, 2012, 12:26:41 am
I am happy with monogamy - some people enjoy infatuation, I don't.
I feel/need no confirmation of my desirability, nor of my ability to conquer.
It'd be a pointless distraction for me.
I realize that monogamy can be a shackles, but if it harms neither, it harms neither.
If it might feel like it harms the would-be third wheels, I say tough cookies.

No offense, but you have no idea what Poly is about. It's not at all about infatuation or nor ability to conquer. No more than monogamy is about keeping one person all to yourself. Monogamy is loving one person. Poly is loving more than one person. That's all.

mellyrn on June 12, 2012, 07:46:42 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rs7E8HSgQy4

"A couch where four can snuggle up
Suddenly isn't big enough . . ."

One of my guy's girlfriends shared the above with me.  Alas, she's taken up with a more exclusive sort of guy now.

NeitherRuleNorBeRuled on June 12, 2012, 12:09:18 pm
I am happy with monogamy - some people enjoy infatuation, I don't.
I feel/need no confirmation of my desirability, nor of my ability to conquer.
It'd be a pointless distraction for me.
I realize that monogamy can be a shackles, but if it harms neither, it harms neither.
If it might feel like it harms the would-be third wheels, I say tough cookies.

No offense, but you have no idea what Poly is about. It's not at all about infatuation or nor ability to conquer. No more than monogamy is about keeping one person all to yourself. Monogamy is loving one person. Poly is loving more than one person. That's all.

Your definitions are confusingly loose.  "Monogamy" means married to one (or possessing one); "poly" simply means many.  Loving many is "polyamory", where "polygamy" means married to many (or possessing many).

Given that marriage may be loveless, "polygamy" (and "monogamy") may be wholly unrelated to love.

macsnafu on June 12, 2012, 12:38:08 pm
I am happy with monogamy - some people enjoy infatuation, I don't.
I feel/need no confirmation of my desirability, nor of my ability to conquer.
It'd be a pointless distraction for me.
I realize that monogamy can be a shackles, but if it harms neither, it harms neither.
If it might feel like it harms the would-be third wheels, I say tough cookies.

No offense, but you have no idea what Poly is about. It's not at all about infatuation or nor ability to conquer. No more than monogamy is about keeping one person all to yourself. Monogamy is loving one person. Poly is loving more than one person. That's all.

Your definitions are confusingly loose.  "Monogamy" means married to one (or possessing one); "poly" simply means many.  Loving many is "polyamory", where "polygamy" means married to many (or possessing many).

Given that marriage may be loveless, "polygamy" (and "monogamy") may be wholly unrelated to love.

Yep, I think I could go for some polyamory without the polygamy!

 :P
I love mankind.  It's PEOPLE I can't stand!  - Linus Van Pelt.

myrkul999 on June 12, 2012, 03:19:24 pm
Your definitions are confusingly loose.  "Monogamy" means married to one (or possessing one); "poly" simply means many.  Loving many is "polyamory", where "polygamy" means married to many (or possessing many).

Given that marriage may be loveless, "polygamy" (and "monogamy") may be wholly unrelated to love.

Yes, my words were imprecise. I doubt anyone reading them didn't know what I meant, however. Polyamory is necessarily, at the moment, not Polygamy, for the same reason that most homosexual couples can't get married. I used monogamy to mean a monogamous (including unmarried couples) relationship, and Poly to refer to a Polyamorous one.

Andreas on June 12, 2012, 03:58:01 pm
This is all too complicated for me. From now on, I'm going to be strictly origamous.

myrkul999 on June 12, 2012, 04:38:12 pm
This is all too complicated for me. From now on, I'm going to be strictly origamous.
:D
Watch out for papercuts!

ex-Gooserider on June 13, 2012, 02:39:33 am
I'd settle for most any flavour of amory at this point... :-*  One of the bummers of SCI is that certain things don't work right any more.... :'( 

Still love the GF, and we get along OK, but there are certain things that there just isn't any substitute for...

(There was a survey of several year post-injury SCI patients, with the question of what ONE function would they want back, assuming a "cure" that was only good for one function...  Sex beat out walking on the "top 10" list...)

ex-Gooserider


myrkul999 on June 13, 2012, 03:14:00 am
(There was a survey of several year post-injury SCI patients, with the question of what ONE function would they want back, assuming a "cure" that was only good for one function...  Sex beat out walking on the "top 10" list...)

Agreed! But walking is easier to provide. In fact, I saw an exoskeleton pair of legs that are controlled by brainwaves that are letting people walk again. Getting sexual function back would require actually bypassing the injury... Doable, in theory, but very difficult in practice. Still, it's only a matter of time. Heck, we'll probably have the ability to straight up repair the damage in not too long. Hang in there, buddy, medical science is working on it.

NeitherRuleNorBeRuled on June 13, 2012, 12:54:10 pm
Polyamory is necessarily, at the moment, not Polygamy, for the same reason that most homosexual couples can't get married.

Nonsense; they can most certainly get married.  The issue is whether or not the members of the subset of gangs known as "government" recognize it or not.

Quote
I used monogamy to mean a monogamous (including unmarried couples) relationship, and Poly to refer to a Polyamorous one.

And thus compared apples ("-gamy" -- marriage) and oranges ("-amory" -- love).

Of course to be complete, one should also include peaches ("-fidelity" -- restriction to a set of sexual partners), which are different still.


Andreas on June 13, 2012, 01:38:06 pm
Incidentally, I think that polygamy, due to the existing of the converse term polyandry, mostly refers to situations where a male has claim to a number of females... sadly the -gamy suffix is very old-fashioned in its meaning. Any kind of -gamy (apart from my Origamy) means "possession of woman by man".
Polyandry of course sucks donkey balls... and I'm not saying this because I'm a guy.
Polyandry actually (in practice) means that a female is the time-share property of several males, leading to a tripled workload, tripled "conjugal duties", etc. etc.... and of course, three times the number of children are expected (though the wife will probably die trying to produce them).

 

anything